I’m in a contemplative mood today…… maybe it’s the early morning Yoga sessions, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been home sick for a while now, or maybe it’s the lack of purpose. I am pretty happy with my life, but I don’t know what comes next. As in when there was school, college was next, then work was next, my art projects were next, buying a house was next….. but now what? what’s next? Maybe writing a book is next or teaching Yoga is next…. I am just not sure.
Going to work daily is something that happens by default, and then there’s the taking care of home, each other and myself. There’s the fun times spent on my art projects and cooking and reading and hiking and traveling, i.e. on all my hobbies. But, yet, there’s still something missing. Like the next big thing! Makes me think about the purpose of our lives…… are we really here for something, some purpose? or are we just biological beings. But I can’t stop thinking how inter-related all of us are and how complicated our inter-dependencies are. I mean, what is going to happen to me tomorrow or even 20 years from now is so largely dependent on things that I don’t even have any control over. I know it makes people feel better about their existence to think that they are part of a bigger plan, but for me just knowing that isn’t enough. I yearn for more. I yearn for an awakening almost, for lack of a better word, a solution, a realization… that hidden treasure, that last piece in the puzzle that will explain the whys, whats and hows of existence. And for all you know, it might not even exist!!!!
Maybe that purpose is something we define for ourselves. Like when you say, I will be happy when I achieve x. X? What’s x for me? Maybe my purpose for now is to define x. That’s the first step and I might have to just start there. So, I can chase it…. or better yet, make it chase me. Like when we weren’t as developed as now and were still being chased by tigers in Africa….. we knew that the next big thing was to save ourselves. If one tiger was missed, the next problem was to not fall prey to the next tiger. Maybe I need to find me a tiger!