42 days in

It has been over a month. 42 days to be precise since I left behind those structured, fairly predictable days, be in terms of time, money or even goals. Every morning that I have woken up since then, I can’t thank everyone around me and the universe enough for giving me the capability to say, “It’s going to be a wonderful day,” rather than “Do I have to goto work?”

All along I knew that my break from working full time as an engineer would not be a break, because that’s just who I am. I can’t sit down and do nothing. I need to feel productive at the end of the day to sleep well at night. In fact, in the last few weeks I have worked harder than I ever have. Yesterday was the last day of the summer camp I was running at City of Austin’s rec centers. We had a contract with the City to teach STEAM sessions in their summer camps and yesterday we wrapped up what turned out to be five adventurous weeks of teaching and learning. I can’t get over how time flew by! Feels like just yesterday when I was feeling overwhelmed and worried about how it was all going to go and now it’s all done with. It was such a great experience, especially since some things were executed flawlessly and with some I just fell flat on my face. I definitely have lots of areas of improvement and aspects I need to focus on. I learned so much and had a few eye-opening realizations.

I realized that my dream is just that. My dream. No one else can feel the same level of passion, commitment and belief like I do towards it. No matter how much I try and paint the picture, try and make it crystal clear with specifics to the T, no one else will feel the burn like I do. I have found like-minded people who share the same passion and struggle, and while we are all in it together, nudging each other along, sharing our stories and helping each other along, we all have our own journeys, our own inner storms and emotions that make us all so similarly unique. Our paths may cross and we might even depend on each other, but in the end it’s our own dream, our origin, our peace.

In my fifteen years of working I admit I never felt fully confident, because I was never been in a position of power. I always worked towards someone else’s vision defined by someone else’s needs. I never felt a complete sense of ownership. But now, just in the last few months that I have been working towards my mission of promoting STEAM education, I feel own this problem and I feel confident as can be! Even though I’m not sure where this journey is going to take me I still feel sure that, whatever the destination, it’s going to be worthwhile. All along my co-workers who actually enjoy their work would tell me, “The ambiguity of the problem is part of thrill.” I never got that until now! Now I know what it means to just relax and enjoy the moment, enjoy the journey. There is enough poetry written about how time goes by, how now is the time and I feel I understand all those seemingly romantic theories only now. And even if I fall a million times along this path and end up with bruises, I know that it will be something I will always be thankful for.

More than anything, I have been overwhelmed by the amount of support and help I have got from people around me. You! All of you! Friends, family members, acquaintances, new friends and well wishers! You all have stepped up to help in whatever way you can that I can’t even begin to express my gratitude to all of you. All I can say is – Thank you!