The world lost a visionary, a change maker, a proponent of connection, the founder of Camp Grounded, Levi Felix. I lost a friend, a guide, a source of inspiration, Fidget. After putting up a kickass fight he was taken from this world by a rare form of brain cancer. If you know about my journey, you know that me finding the power to finally take the decision to bring about a change was a direct result of camp and people like Fidget.
Adam Smiley Poswolsky has a wonderful article here about Fidget, his life, his visions and the magic he created. As for me, when I heard the news I went through a range of negative emotions – sadness, anger, shock, denial, grief. Then I got my box full of camp craziness out and as I thumbed thru my camp pocket book, the painted rocks, feathers, stickers, glitter, the many letters I’ve received since camp, I couldn’t help but smile. Positivity wins this battle, it has to, because this is what Fidget would have wanted. He would have wanted me singing out loud while chasing butterflies in a rainbow colored tutu. I smile, because that’s what my spirit is giving me permission to do right now. Here’s a memory that keeps coming back to me:
It was the last day of my first camp. As everyone was saying their goodbyes, I was standing there for a bit trying to wrap my head around what I had just experienced in the last four days. Fidget happened to walk by me and asked, “How are you?” I said, “I don’t know.” He stopped, looked at me, smiled, said nothing in words but the expression on his face told me that he wanted me to continue talking so I did. He had just given his closing speech in which he had spoken about clasping your hands the other way, with the less dominant thumb on top, about making the harder choices and embracing those changes. I told him how I was indeed trying to take the road less traveled and how horribly difficult I was finding it to be. This is what he said and I will never ever forget it,
“Even in your clasped hands your middle finger can stick up and say, Fuck you inner critic.”
We laughed. He then gave me a hug. I will never forget that laughter, that hug. He left me with an experience that changed my life. He gave me, us, the gift of camp, ever lasting life long friends, our community. Thank you. I remain forever grateful Fidget. Love you.